You’ve got way too many Facebook friends. You know how it is; that girl from nursery who added you; that odd bloke from the evening class you took in 2009; your mum.
They’re tremendously irritating, but you put up with them. Because we’re all annoying and all stuck with each other.1. The girl who always tells you to “Like and share if you’re against cancer”
“90% of people don’t have the guts to change their FB status.” “One Like = One Prayer.” What they’re really saying is “Pay me some attention, or you’re wishing cancer upon all your loved ones. I’ll give them cancer! Acknowledge me, dammit!”
2. The stupido who always falls for the latest scam
Every time without fail. Giant spiders, Satanic soft drink logos, coughing to ward off heart attacks. But don’t bother correcting them - they’ll only get defensive. “I was only trying to raise awareness!”
3. The Facebook gaming addict
Mastered Fruit Ninja and Farmville and Candy Crush, but never the privacy settings, so your FB feed turns into a fruit machine of high scores and unlocked “achievements”.
It’s boring to show a string of annoying alerts, so here’s a picture of Daft Punk, doing an impression of your FB feed.
4. The new exercise fan and his fancy pedometer
Like the Facebook games person, but with an additional passive-aggressive slap - nobody wants to be told “I’m so much fitter and healthier than you fat slobs”. We want to see a pedometer that detects when you’ve trod in dogshit and immediately Tweets it.